Achrei Mos- Kedoshim 5786 – A Loss is a Loss

Different people react to financial losses in different ways. Some get angry, some seek revenge, and some manage to find a way to be philosophical about it.

The Torah tells us not to seek revenge in two ways: “Lo Sikom” and “Lo Sitor.” Rashi brings the Gemara, which explains that this dual prohibition is to be understood as not only forbidding actual revenge, but even bearing a grudge. When someone is asked to lend an item, even if the potential borrower had previously refused to do a favor for the now-lender, he should not only proceed with the mitzvah of lending out the item, but he is even forbidden from mentioning any previous slights.

So does the Torah command us to be pushovers? Why are we not allowed to stand our ground and give the other person a taste of their own medicine? What’s wrong with justice? What goes around should come around, shouldn’t it?

The Sefer HaChinuch (241) explains that when a person is the victim of harm caused by another, he should not view his fellow human as the true source of the suffering, but merely as a tool in the hands of Hashem. Hashem wanted this person to experience this difficulty for whatever reason; the person directly causing the suffering is simply the means through which Hashem achieves this goal. (How this reconciles with the other person’s free will is an interesting, yet expansive, topic.)

However, the Sefer HaChinuch (338), when discussing the prohibition of ona’at devarim—speaking hurtfully to another—explains that this prohibition should not be misunderstood as restricting necessary verbal self-defense. Just as a person under physical threat is allowed to neutralize that threat, so too a verbal or financial attack can legitimately be defended against, even if that requires a strong response.

We can see from these two mitzvot a fascinating distinction. When it comes to self-defense, one is allowed to proceed with normal arguments, force, and conviction. However, when we are talking about revenge, the situation is one in which the harm has already been done. Nothing will change the past or undo the damage. Continuing the back-and-forth is purely counterproductive. In such cases, one should adopt a more philosophical perspective and recognize that his situation is determined by a higher authority.

When filing taxes and working with (or against) the government, the line is often blurry. Sometimes it is correct to push back, fight, and advocate in order to achieve a better outcome. However, one must also consider the cost, time, energy, and likelihood of success when pursuing matters that may ultimately reflect a decision already made on Rosh Hashanah—that Hashem had other plans.

For any revenge related or other financial issues you require assistance with please reach out at [email protected]. Good Shabbos.